


Chances and Choices

by MechBull



Category: The Red Line (TV 2019)
Genre: Canonical Character Death, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-23
Updated: 2019-07-21
Packaged: 2020-05-18 11:12:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 18,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19333387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MechBull/pseuds/MechBull
Summary: AU with the premise that Daniel and Harrison were separated at the time of the shooting. Because Daniel didn’t feel enough guilt, I guess?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is still a WIP. I’m predicting 5 or 6 parts and am currently drafting part 4. 
> 
> The rating is more about the overall content than erotica.

“You can’t do this to Jira,” Daniel hissed into the telephone. “She’s been looking forward to getting to spend some time with you.”

“That wouldn’t be a problem if I was living at home, would it?”

Daniel scoffed, shaking his head. “Sure, because you’d never pick up extra shifts otherwise.”

“I told you – Ross is stuck at LaGuardia.”

“And there are no other doctors at that hospital? Or do you just want to make me the bad guy again?” 

“We both know that I’m the bad guy here, Daniel. Isn’t that the whole point of this?”

“Yeah, well, Jira doesn’t know that, does she? I’m just the asshole who kicked out her perfect father for no reason.”

“I can’t keep track of all the reasons you’re mad at me.”

“The list is damn long after 20 years of this bull shit, Harrison.”

“Daniel – ”

“Get back to work. Jira and I will be fine. We learned how to spend our evenings and weekends without you long ago. Hell, why don’t you go and get a drink after your shift and complain about your nag of a husband? I’m sure you know where to find a sympathetic bartender.”

“Daniel – ”

Daniel hung up the phone, pressing the end call button as emphatically as he could. He stopped short of throwing the phone across the room, but did push it away hard enough to make it skid across the dining room table. He buried his face in his hands, pressing the heels of his palms into his eyes hard in an attempt to stop the tears. 

“Fuck,” he whispered. 

It’d been nearly a month since Harrison had told him about the guy he had been screwing. Nearly a month since Daniel’s content, if not always brilliantly happy, world came crashing down. Nearly a month since he demanded Harrison leave the home they had made together. Part of him had hoped that they would have worked things out by now, but he still had such trouble even talking to him on the phone without wanting to scream at him.

And then something like this happened – pulling a double when he was supposed to be spending the evening with Jira. It just reminded Daniel of all the times before – all the long shifts, all the ruined plans, all the late nights. It had been frustrating and lonely and hard. But the sacrifices were worth it. He could do his own work, and always be the one who was there for Jira, and run the household, because Harrison had a challenging yet important job and Daniel knew what he had signed up for. Besides, when Harrison _was_ there, he was…

Daniel loved him so damn much.

But to know now that at least some of those times, when he thought Harrison was apart from them because he was saving lives, he was actually with some random bartender. God. _God_. And he couldn’t understand _why_. They were fine; they were happy, or so he thought. There was nothing going on. Had Harrison grown tired of him? Why wasn’t he enough? What was so special about this man that it was worth destroying everything? 

“Was that Dad on the phone?” Jira asked, bouncing into the room with excitement. “Is he on his way?”

Daniel pasted a smile on his face as he looked up at her. He hated to break her heart again. 

“That was him,” he confirmed. The tone of his voice was enough, and he died a little inside when he saw the spark in her eyes dim. “Sorry, honey, he has to stay at work.”

She nodded, not meeting his eyes. “OK. That’s OK. I understand.” 

“Jira, I’m – ”

“Don’t say you’re sorry again. It’s fine. I – I have a lot of homework.”

She turned away, hurrying from the room. 

“You want to order a pizza?” he called after her.

“OK!” she called back, her voice wobbly.

Daniel sighed, taking a sip of his wine. He placed the glass down, then stared at his hand. His ring glinted, reflecting the light above him. He flashed back to the day Harrison had put it on him. For weeks before, he had argued that it was really only a formality at that point. Jira was the one who seemed most committed to the idea, once it became legal, so they had agreed to it mostly for her sake. It had surprised him, then, how very emotional he got when the ring slipped over his knuckle. He had always known he was going to be a father, and he was grateful as hell to Harrison for giving him that with Jira. But he hadn’t ever really believed he would get to be a husband in fact as well as in spirit. He remembered the way Harrison had pulled a face at him to get him to laugh rather than cry, and then kissed him. That was the first time he felt Harrison’s ring against his cheek as he held him in place and pressed his lips to Daniel’s. 

Daniel reached out with his other hand, twisting the ring before pulling it off and chucking it across the room. He couldn’t stop his tears, and he lifted his now bare hand to stifle them so Jira wouldn’t hear.

**

“Can I come over tonight?”

“Sure. Why?”

Jira sighed long-sufferingly. “I can’t stand to be home with just him anymore. He’s still being completely unreasonable. Dad’s been in that hotel for over a month now, and he won’t give in and let him come back home.”

“OK,” Riley replied, somewhat hesitantly and _sotto voce_ considering they were supposed to be silently reading in English class. “I obviously don’t know what’s going on any more than you do. But your dad is, like, the most sensible person I’ve ever met. Have you _entertained_ the notion that there might actually be a good reason?”

Jira shook her head with a stubborn _mm-mm_. “What could my dad have possibly done that was that bad? And if there was something, why won’t either of them tell me? I’m not a child.”

Riley breathed out a laugh. “You’re their child. Maybe they’re just protecting you.”

“Whose side are you on?” Jira asked, rather petulantly. 

And apparently too loudly, if Mr. Bhatt’s pointed cough was any indication. She tried to appear apologetic and studious, but he didn’t buy it. 

“Meet me out in the hall, Miss Jira.”

She sighed, closing her book (unread, but she at least had it open to pretend, unlike Nolan who was just vandalizing his desk with graffiti but did _he_ get yelled at? Noooo.) and standing up. She stomped from the room and waited until Mr. Bhatt joined her.

“Sorry,” she said before he could start. “I’ll be quiet.”

“Everything OK?” he asked, leaning back against the wall. 

Jira hesitated before she turned to stand next to him. “Not really. But it’s not like I’m the first kid to live in a broken home, am I?”

Mr. Bhatt’s head turned sharply towards her. He lifted his arms, crossing them in front of himself. “Your – your parents are having problems?”

She shrugged. She probably shouldn’t be telling him this; he did work with her dad, after all. But it felt good to talk to someone, and it’s not like she could talk to either of her fathers at the moment. 

“Dad – Harrison – has been staying in a hotel for a month now. Neither one of them will tell me why. Dad – Daniel, I mean – just keeps acting like everything’s normal. It’s like he doesn’t even care.”

“I’m sure that’s not the case,” Mr. Bhatt replied, sounding odd. He probably was wishing he hadn’t made Jira talk. 

“He does a good job of hiding it,” she said. 

Mr. Bhatt didn’t seem to have a response. He looked down at his shoes. “Hmm,” he finally said. 

It wasn’t like Jira expected him to have an answer or explanation, anyway.

**

“You look like you could use this.”

Daniel’s head jolted up in surprise, then he laughed at himself. He actually didn’t know if he needed the caffeine – he was jumpy enough as it was. But Liam held it out to him, so he half-stood from his desk to grab it. With a grateful nod, he sat back down and took a sip. 

“Mm, thanks.”

“Want to talk about it?”

The question was more than a little leading, and Daniel sighed. He supposed it was only a matter of time before someone figured out something was wrong. And he had a pretty good idea what, or who, tipped Liam off.

“Jira say something?”

He nodded once. “She told me.”

Daniel rubbed at his forehead, only belatedly realizing it was with his left hand. He dropped it but not before noticing Liam glance at his empty finger. “She shouldn’t have.”

“I agree,” Liam replied, the upbeat tone contrasting with the gentle scolding. “But you could have. Why didn’t you?”

Daniel shrugged. “Embarrassed, maybe,” he admitted. “Or I didn’t want to make it real.”

Liam nodded in understanding. He took a moment to look around the room. Then he repeated, “want to talk about it?”

“Maybe another time,” Daniel responded, although not entirely dismissively. 

“OK,” Liam accepted, backing away. He tilted his head in the vague direction of his classroom. “You know where to find me.”

“Thanks.”

**

It had been a long day. Two patients died. It was the kind of day where he would have been grateful to go home to Daniel and Jira. Her cheerfulness and his solid comfort would have grounded him like it always did. Under ordinary circumstances, he’d be so happy that he had the whole weekend off to spend with them both.

But he wasn’t allowed home at the moment, and instead only Jira would be hanging out with him, trying to pretend they weren’t miserable in his hotel room. 

Only himself to blame, of course. Some sort of midlife crisis or lapse of sanity might have cost him his family for good. He hoped Daniel would thaw soon, at least enough to let him try to fix it. He wondered if telling him had even been the right thing to do. The thing with Finn was over and, in the grand scheme of things, a blip in their lives together. But he couldn’t keep it from Daniel any more than he could explain it. 

The closest he could come was – sometimes he felt so tarnished. All the pain and loss and destruction he saw every single day. It used to be something he could tell Daniel about, and he actually enjoyed sharing the details of his day, the rough cases and the tragedies, the saves and triumphs. Daniel would listen to all his stories, and always knew just what to say or when not to say anything and just hold him. But somewhere along the way, he just wanted to keep Daniel and Jira…clean of all of it. Separate. A part of his life that wasn’t covered in blood and guts and tears. 

Finn listened to it all and distracted him with his stories. It was different, easy in a way, because there was no history and there was no future there, and they both knew it. Hell, he talked about Daniel all the time, told Finn how wonderful he was. The best person he’d ever known.

What a mess. 

Harrison sighed, running a hand over his head. He stared out the window of the train for a while, watching the buildings go past. It was almost hypnotic, but not enough to fully distract him. He pulled out his phone and began to scroll through the news feed. 

_Tia Young Runs for Alderman in 6th Ward_

He exhaled sharply in surprise. It couldn’t be. He clicked on the link and waited for it to load. When the picture appeared, he laughed. She was older, of course, but he could still recognize her. He was so…proud of her.

He opened his messages and had the text half-composed before he realized what he was doing. The last text from Daniel was reminding him when to pick Jira up for their weekend visit. The one before that was a simple “OK” in response to Harrison’s message with his hotel information. 

The one before that was from weeks ago. 

He considered telling him the news anyway. It might be something unique enough to break the ice a bit. It might provoke enough memories of happier times that…

Harrison sighed, closing the app and pocketing his phone.

**

“Jira.”

At the sound of her dad’s voice, Jira turned away from her locker. Only one more class left, then she’d get to spend the whole weekend with her dad. She couldn’t wait. _She_ missed him, even if _some people_ acted like they couldn’t care less if they ever saw him again. 

He lowered his voice to ask her, “are you OK getting home by yourself today? I have some things to do.”

Jira frowned. She was pretty sure those vague “things” were simply an excuse not to be at home when her dad showed up to get her. How they were supposed to move forward at all when he wouldn’t even talk to Harrison, she did not know. Running her tongue over her teeth to prevent a snotty comeback – she’d started to learn those were not going to be effective in this situation – she nodded. 

“Yeah, of course.”

“Great. I probably won’t be back before you leave. So…have a good time this weekend.”

“Uh-huh,” she agreed, tolerating the side-hug he gave her.

She watched as he walked away, already devising a plan to get her dads face-to-face that night.

**

Daniel spotted the living room lamps on through the window as he walked up to the door. He shook his head in annoyance. Jira knew better; they weren’t made of money. She should have turned them off when they left. With a certain degree of frustration, Daniel slid his key into the lock and opened the door. As he stepped inside and nearly tripped over Jira’s backpack by the door, he realized that the lights were still on because they _hadn’t_ left.

Daniel walked into the kitchen cautiously. Harrison was sitting at the counter, flipping through the pile of mail that had accumulated for him. When Daniel entered, he looked up, then stood. It was the first time they’d been in the same room for a while, and it was awkward as hell. 

“You’re still here,” Daniel observed dumbly. 

“Uh, yeah,” Harrison replied. “Jira apparently fell asleep after school. She’s packing now.”

Daniel nodded. After a moment, he turned and started walking, although he wasn’t sure where his destination was going to be. He just needed to get out of the room.

“As long as I’m here,” Harrison blurted, making Daniel stop in his tracks. Once he turned to face him, Harrison continued, “maybe…”

Daniel stared, wondering if his expression was icy enough to halt whatever Harrison would try to suggest. In a way, he hoped it wouldn’t be. But in the end, it wasn’t any sort of attempt to solve their problems. He eventually just asked if he could get some clothes out of their room. 

Daniel nodded, leading him out of the room and up the stairs. 

“So where were you tonight?” Harrison asked as he pulled open the closet door.

It was probably meant as a weak attempt at casual conversation. Daniel should probably not read anything into it. But he couldn’t stop the irritation at having to answer to Harrison.

“Drinks,” was his only reply. 

“With who?”

Daniel laughed once, sharply in disbelief. “Scoot.”

“Oh. OK.”

Daniel shook his head, turning away. He loosened his tie, then unbuttoned the top two buttons of his shirt. “What? Did you think I was on a date?” he asked as sarcastically as possible.

“Of course not.”

He sounded like he was trying to placate Daniel, and somehow that answer pissed him off even more. He stepped to the door and closed it so Jira couldn’t overhear. 

“Oh, _of course not_. I’ve had offers, you know. I understand wanting to be with other people.”

Harrison rolled his eyes before replying, his voice quiet and low. “Believe me, I know. At least I broke mine off.”

Daniel stared, furrowing his brow in utter confusion. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

He didn’t answer at first, and then, as if he couldn’t stop himself, Harrison replied, “You see your grass-is-greener option every day.”

“What the – ? Who are – ?”

“Don’t be coy; it’s not nearly as cute as you think it is.”

It suddenly was obvious who he was talking about and Daniel felt perhaps a little too defensive as he responded, “Liam, you mean?” Harrison’s _obviously_ gesture felt like a slap in the face. “There’s nothing – we’re friends. Are you _seriously_ trying to compare me having a friend to you _fucking_ someone else? I might not be perfect but at least I have some goddamn self-control.”

“No! I’m just – I don’t know what I’m saying.” Harrison heaved a breath, turning away and placing his hands on his hips. “I don’t know what to say, and it doesn’t matter anyway because you refuse to listen to me.”

“Yep,” Daniel spat, nodding in faux-agreement. “All my fault.”

He didn’t wait for a response; instead, he yanked the bedroom door open and walked into the hall.

“Jira, get your stuff. Your dad’s waiting,” he yelled in a voice tight with unshed tears.

**

It took Daniel a week before he worked up the nerve to ask. He wasn’t sure what his motivation was exactly, but he knew it was at least partly to get even. Which of course wasn’t fair to Liam. But the truth was, as much as he rejected Harrison’s accusations, it _was_ something he’d wondered about before. And why not? Why shouldn’t he get to be the one to have a little fun for a change? Nothing wrong with hanging out with a friendly colleague at the end of the work week, anyway.

Daniel leaned into the door of the classroom, supporting his weight by grabbing onto the doorframe with both hands. He smiled his most charming grin. 

“Knock knock,” he said in greeting.

Liam looked up, already smiling. Daniel hadn’t actually seen him yet that day, and he discovered he was wearing a sweater that always made him look like a snack. His guilt faded a bit as the temptation grew. Damn, he loved that sweater. 

“Doing anything tonight?” Daniel asked. 

Liam’s eyebrows raised in surprise, but he ultimately shook his head. “No, no plans.”

“Wanna grab a drink or something?”

“Uh…sure.”

“Good,” Daniel hesitated, then added, “It’s a date.”

Liam responded in the way Daniel had hoped, with an embarrassed sort of laugh, ducking his head to hide his grin. Daniel knocked on the door and walked away before he could change his mind and take it back.


	2. Chapter 2

“I haven’t been in this part of Chicago in so long,” Daniel observed. He stirred his drink with the straw, then took a sip. “I’ve missed this kind of thing.”

“I’m going to have to move soon,” Liam replied. “I can’t afford to live here anymore. But I’m not ready to go yet.”

Daniel looked around the room. Mostly guys – were all the lesbians extinct? Some couples, some small groups, some drinking alone. None of them anywhere near as interesting as the man across from him, so he refocused on Liam. Liam was staring at him curiously, and Daniel felt suddenly on edge.

“So, what’s going on with Harrison?” Liam asked. 

Daniel shook his head quickly. “I don’t want to talk about that. That’s not why I asked you out.”

“Why did you ask me out then?” Liam took a sip of his own drink, his eyes narrowing at Daniel. 

The tone of his voice was rather knowing. 

Daniel hesitated, tracing the rim of his glass with his finger. He supposed it was now or never. He just needed to say something. “Ah,” he began, prevaricating slightly. He took a breath. “You know he actually accused me of having feelings for you.”

He forced a laugh, perhaps to have some sort of way to dismiss it if Liam didn’t respond as he hoped. But Liam didn’t seem to find it as funny. His silence made Daniel nervous, and he was less confident as he continued. 

“I told him it wasn’t like that, of course. We’re just friends.”

“And you’re married,” Liam added, a bit leadingly.

Daniel looked up, making eye contact. He felt like he was going to puke. Out of nerves, or excitement, or something. He couldn’t quite tell what he was feeling. 

“Is that the only thing stopping us?”

Liam held his gaze for another beat. His only answer was simply to ask again, “why did you ask me out, Daniel?”

Daniel leaned closer, incredibly slowly to give Liam time to stop him. He didn’t and soon their mouths were connecting in a simple, chaste kiss. 

But their kisses were anything but chaste by the time they’d made it back to Liam’s apartment. He barely had the door closed and locked before Daniel was pushing him against it. The moans Liam made spurred him on. It felt like his hands were everywhere, and Daniel enjoyed the feeling of being wanted so badly. They kissed and kissed, pulling each other’s jackets off blindly. Soon after, Liam pushed Daniel back into the wall opposite the door. The jolt surprised a breath out of him, even as it broke them apart. They made eye contact and Daniel fought a grin, before reaching one hand to the back of Liam’s head. He held onto him as he dove back in for another kiss.

Daniel was panting for breath, feeling almost dizzy from the overwhelming passion. It had been too long since he felt like this, since he knew how much his partner wanted it, since he – Liam cupped him through his jeans before moving his hands to Daniel’s belt buckle. He almost wanted to cry, it was all so – 

“Are you sure you want this?” Liam asked, breathless with arousal.

Daniel opened his eyes to meet Liam’s. God, they redefined the phrase _bedroom eyes_. “Yes,” Daniel breathed out, nodding rapidly. Liam groaned, falling back against him as they kissed again. 

Liam just barely had his pants open when Daniel realized he actually couldn’t go through with it. The sensation of Liam’s hand wrapping around him made Daniel want to come on the spot even as his heart felt like it was going to tear in two. 

“No,” he said, kicking himself even as the word slipped past his lips. 

Liam froze, his hand still down Daniel’s pants and his face buried in his neck. Daniel could feel Liam’s rough breathing on the patch of skin still wet from where he’d been sucking. After another moment, Liam removed his hand and turned to lean against the wall next to Daniel. 

They stood by side, breathing heavily, staring straight ahead. Every cell in Daniel’s body was shouting offended obscenities at his brain and heart. Next to him, he sensed Liam reach a hand up and rub it down his face, as he slowly calmed.

“Fuck,” Daniel muttered. “Sorry. Sorry, I – ”

“It’s OK,” Liam cut him off. After a moment, he added, “I mean, not really, but – ”

“Fuck,” Daniel repeated. He lowered his face into his palms. 

Liam started laughing, with a tinge of hysteria. “Apparently not tonight.”

Daniel joined him, his own laughter feeling inappropriate but unstoppable. 

“I had hoped you wouldn’t realize you were making a mistake so soon,” Liam said, clearly using the attempt at humor to hide his real emotions. 

Daniel finally turned his head to face him. They stared at each other for a while, and Daniel’s gaze dropped to Liam’s lips briefly before he caught himself.

“I want you,” he murmured, perhaps not wisely. Liam sighed and looked away again. “That wasn’t a lie,” Daniel continued.

“It’s OK. You don’t have to – ”

“I want you, but I can’t do this. I’m not…ready to give up on my marriage.”

Liam inhaled deeply, nodding as he faced Daniel. “I understand. I shouldn’t have – I knew this wasn’t right long before you did.”

“Liam…”

“Go home, Daniel. Talk to your husband.”

**

Daniel stared out the window for three train stops before he shook his head and finally reached for his phone. He deliberately ignored the most recent message that Liam had sent with the address of the bar they met at just a few hours ago. Three conversations lower was the name he wanted. Daniel pressed on it and began to type.

_Are you working tonight?_

While the reply wasn’t immediate, it was quick enough. Daniel smiled, imagining the curious and hesitant way Harrison must have typed the simple _No, why?_

 _You could eat dinner with us, and we could talk after._ Daniel sent the message before he chickened out. And then, to relieve some of the tension he felt, he added _I promise not to scream at you_ as an attempt at a joke. 

_I’ll bring the wine_ , Harrison replied. 

Daniel breathed in and out, trying to control his sudden hope. _Red_ , he wrote back.

_Of course. Friday = spaghetti._

Harrison’s final message made Daniel smile. Perhaps a day or two ago, he would have interpreted it as Harrison thinking he was boring and predictable, living in a rut that Harrison had needed to escape. Tonight, he let it mean that Harrison knew him well and remembered, even treasured, their family routines. Daniel ran his thumb over the screen before clicking it off and pocketing his phone. 

He stared out the window, smiling softly. 

Seconds later, his smile faded and he raised his fingers to his lips. Perhaps it was his imagination, but they still felt swollen from Liam’s kisses. He didn’t know if his attempted infidelity that night was unpredictable or entirely predictable, considering the circumstances. He also didn’t know if he’d ever truly regret it. He just knew it wasn’t what he wanted. 

He wanted his family back.

**

Harrison was running later than he wanted to be. He didn’t want Daniel to think he didn’t care enough to show up on time for dinner. But he also didn’t want him to think he hadn’t made an effort, so he spent far too much time figuring out what to wear. And then he went to the store that carried Daniel’s favorite brand of wine. He hardly ever bought it because he thought it was too expensive no matter how many times Harrison reminded him they made enough to splurge on small pleasures.

He was going to splurge tonight, Harrison thought with a smile. And maybe he’d try to get Daniel _just_ drunk enough to be open to his request to come home. They’d never work through this if they were never in the same room together. Since Daniel was the one to reach out to him, Harrison hoped that he was ready to be convinced of that. 

He put the bottle on the counter, then held a finger up as he turned around. He nearly forgot a treat for Jira.

He had just turned around again when another man came in, went directly to the counter, and swung his arm out, hitting the cashier with a gun. Harrison’s hands went up and he stepped back. The next few moments passed by in a blur. He didn’t even really know what was happening. At one point, the man pointed the gun at him and Harrison mentioned his family, trying to seem unthreatening. 

Soon, finally, he was gone. Harrison hurried forward, pushing his hood back to see clearer. He reached across the counter towards the bleeding cashier. He pushed him away, but Harrison tried again. He wasn’t too injured – it looked worse than it was, but he still – 

Some sort of explosion sounded behind him, but it took the pain blossoming through his body and the force of the bullets knocking him off balance for him to realize what the sound had been. Moments later, Harrison fell to the ground, wheezing as his lungs failed to get air. Some part of his brain knew what was happening as the shock set in, but the rest of him couldn’t understand it. He stared up at the officer leaning over him, and he reached up to try to ask for help. The man’s face faded away, replaced with some memory or hallucination of Daniel and Jira, cuddling on the couch at home, laughing about something. Harrison focused on that, taking enough comfort from it that the pain seemed to fade. He would see them soon and everything would be –

**

“That’s…an awful lot of pasta you’re cooking there, Dad.”

“Oh, good, Jira. There you are. Set the table, please. Three places.”

Jira paused, a strange surge of excitement racing through her as she turned to face her dad. “Three?” she asked hopefully.

“Three.”

She didn’t want to jump to conclusions. It was probably… “Who, um, who…”

“Your dad is eating with us tonight.”

“Oh,” Jira replied. “ _Oh_.”

“I’m not promising anything, punchkin. We’re going to see how it goes.”

“OK. No, yeah, fine. Just…see how it goes.” 

She grabbed the plates from the shelf, then started to head for the dining room table. She stopped before she made it around the island, and headed back. When she got close enough, she lifted up on her toes to kiss her dad on the cheek. He smiled, not looking away from the boiling pot. 

He wasn’t smiling later, when the sauce was cooling and the noodles were turning kind of gooey and it was still just the two of them. Jira felt sick to her stomach.

“I wonder what’s taking him so long,” she said, trying to sound reassuring. “Maybe the train was delayed.”

Her dad smiled weakly. He pushed his fork around his plate. “Eat up, honey. We’ll heat something up for him when he gets here.”

“I can wait.”

Her dad didn’t respond. Instead, he suddenly – and angrily – pushed back from the table. He picked up his own plate full of uneaten food and carried it into the kitchen.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m not really hungry,” he said, not turning to look at her. 

He’d barely finished talking when the doorbell rang. Jira’s pulse picked up with happy relief. She wouldn’t have expected him to ring the bell, but maybe he didn’t know if he should just walk inside. Maybe he was trying to be formal and romantic, or something. Regardless, he was here. Finally!

She started to get out of her seat just as her dad walked out of the kitchen. He glanced at her as he passed the table on his way towards the front door. 

“Sit down and eat.”

Like hell, Jira thought. She wanted to see her dad. And maybe part of her wanted to see how they reacted to each other so she could get an idea of how things were between them. She was only a few steps behind him by the time he reached the door and opened it. Jira grinned broadly, ready to welcome her dad home. 

The smile faded quickly. The officer standing outside was definitely not Harrison. 

“Dad?” she asked. 

Her dad turned to look at her. The expression on his face terrified her. “Go to the other room, Jira,” he ordered in a tone that wasn’t to be argued with. She practically ran away – at least until she could hide behind the wall far enough away to be out of sight yet close enough to hear. 

“Are you Daniel Calder?”

“Yes.”

“And is this the home of Harrison Brennan?”

“Yes. What’s going on? Was he…arrested or…?”

“Mr. Calder, I’m afraid Mr. Brennan was shot during an armed robbery tonight.”

It was like a rushing noise whooshed past Jira’s ears. She wobbled on her feet a little, feeling like she was going to lose her balance. She forced herself to focus on her dad again.

“OK,” he said, and Jira wondered if the officer could tell how _not OK_ he was. “Um, what – what hospital is he at? He’s going to be OK, right?”

There was a long pause. A scream bubbled up Jira’s throat as she waited for the answer. 

“I’m very sorry, Mr. Calder, but he didn’t make it. We need you to come and identify the body.”

Jira watched, as if from under hundreds of feet of water, as her dad stumbled backward. Before she even knew what she was doing, she ran from her hiding spot to grab his elbow. He turned to her, his face as equally confused and shocked as she felt. 

“Daddy?” she whispered. 

He pulled her into a hug, pressing a kiss to her head.

**

He didn’t know exactly how he did it. He maintained perfect, almost creepy calmness, all the way to the morgue. He nodded in understanding as the coroner explained what to expect. He simply waited as the sheet was pulled back just enough to reveal a face, and then he forced himself to look.

Maybe he had been able to get through it because part of him didn’t really believe it was Harrison. There had to be some sort of mistake. Why would Harrison get shot? How could he be – dead? It didn’t make sense. But that denial couldn’t last. He stared at his husband’s still, cold face for several moments before nodding. 

The coroner began to pull the sheet back up when Daniel finally spoke.

“Could I have a moment?”

“Of course.”

He barely held the tears in until the other man left the room. And then he lost it. He slowly curled over Harrison’s body until their foreheads touched. He lifted one hand to rest against his neck over where his pulse should have been. 

“Don’t do this to me,” he choked out, begging. “Not now. Please, not like this. We were getting another chance.” The sobs racked his body and tears finally started flowing. “I love you, I love you, I love you.”

He didn’t know how long he stayed like that. But eventually, he was at least temporarily out of tears. He straightened, caressed Harrison’s cheek, then steeled himself. There wasn’t much he could do about the red puffiness of his eyes, but he still needed to get a grip. It would be hard enough for Jira. She’d need him to be strong.

**

Liam had barely removed his coat when the announcement came over the loudspeaker.

“All teachers to the staff room immediately, please. All teachers to the staff room.”

He was one of the last ones there, sneaking in just before Betsy Xiao from the art department. He also beat Daniel apparently, and he kind of hated himself for seeking him out. It was going to take him a while to get over the previous night. 

The principal started speaking, to his surprise since they were still not all there. But he quickly realized why that was the case.

“Last night,” she said, her voice breaking and making all side conversations stop, “Mr. Calder’s husband was caught up in an armed robbery. He was mistaken by the police for the suspect and…shot.”

There were several gasps and one or two _Jesus_ es. Liam slowly lowered into a chair, trying to process the news.

“Is he going to be OK?” Ken, one of the other history teachers, asked.

The principal took a breath, exhaling it before replying, “He died.”

Liam was having trouble breathing. None of this seemed real. 

“Several of the students knew him, of course, as Jira’s dad,” she continued, looking down at her hands and attempting to sound professional. “And I know some of you knew him as well. This will also make the news, obviously, and will likely become politicized. We will be bringing in grief counselors, so do not hesitate to use them or refer your students to them. We will ask each of you to break the news in your first period classes.”

“What about Daniel and Jira?” Liam broke in. “Are they – ?”

“They’re…I haven’t spoken to Daniel much. I don’t know how they are, really. There’s only a couple weeks left of the year, and they won’t be coming in. A sub will cover Daniel’s classes, and I’m asking Jira’s teachers to decide if they can pass her based on work completed or if she will need to make anything up later in the summer to start next year on track.”

There was a long silence, and staff members looked around the room. Liam felt several pairs of eyes on him; his friendship with Daniel was no secret. 

“We’ll be collecting for flowers for the memorial service. Come by the office if you want to contribute and to sign the card.”

Liam walked out of the room, not responding to anyone’s attempts to talk to him. He headed straight for his room and the class that was about to start soon, but he stopped just outside the door. He took his phone out and opened the messages to see the last one from Daniel, sent just the previous night.

 _See you there. Can’t wait._

Liam opened a new message. His thumbs hovered over the buttons as he tried to think of something to say. Was there even anything Daniel wanted to hear from him? The last thing he needed was a reminder that they had been mere minutes from sleeping with each other the very same night his husband died. Liam wondered if they’d gotten a chance to talk, or if Harrison died not knowing that Daniel wanted to fix things between them. 

Some sick, small part of Liam wondered if this ruined his own chances with Daniel forever. 

He shook his head to clear it of those thoughts. He closed his phone and put it in his pocket, walking into the room just as the bell rang. He placed a hand on Riley’s shoulder as he passed on his way to the front of the room. Judging by their confused reaction, however, the news had not yet spread. 

“Settle down everyone. Please.” 

His voice was gruffer than he thought it would be. Several students stared up at him curiously. He sat on the edge of his desk, crossing his arms. Looking at the floor, he began to speak, although he had no idea how to tell his students something so horrible.

**

Tia couldn’t even read the article. Tears were streaming down her face and blurring her vision. The paper included two pictures – one of Harrison alone and one with his family. She put her finger over the girl, as if she could somehow connect with her through it. All these years wondering what she’d grown into, how her life with Harrison and his husband had been. They seemed so happy in the picture, and why wouldn’t they be? He had been such a good man, and had given her so much hope, not only for her baby’s future but for her own as well. She couldn’t imagine picking anyone else to raise her child. And now…

Ethan walked through the door, home after his shift. He bent down to kiss the top of her head. 

“I heard about that,” he commented. “How many times is something like this going to happen?”

Tia turned to face him, holding back the sob. 

“T? Tia, what’s wrong?”

“It’s her!”

“Who?”

“His – my little girl.”

**

Daniel stood in a corner of the room, nursing his drink. He didn’t even know half the people who had showed up at the memorial service. Some of them introduced themselves as patients, but Daniel suspected far more of them were just strangers. It frustrated him, how Harrison had become more of a symbol than a man, but at the same time, he wanted people to care. He wanted there to be enough rage throughout the city to actually accomplish something. At least one damn thing could come out of this whole mess.

He searched out Jira, finding her at a table in the corner with Riley. They huddled together, holding hands and talking. She wasn’t crying at the moment, so Daniel counted it as a win. 

“Beautiful eulogy, Danny.” 

Daniel found a smile from somewhere as he faced Scoot and Miles. Leaning forward to kiss their cheeks in turn, he thanked them for coming. 

“It was – ” he shook his head, gesturing with his free hand. “What do you even say at something like this?”

Scoot reached out, taking Daniel’s hand. “What do you need from us, Daniel? Anything.”

“I’m fine. We’re fine.”

He could tell by his face that Scoot didn’t believe him, but he let him get away with the lie. “Call us anytime,” he said. 

Daniel nodded, and they left him alone again. He sighed, looking around the room again and suddenly spotting Liam. He wondered if he’d been there the whole time. As if he could sense Daniel’s gaze on him, Liam turned. They made eye contact, holding it for several long beats. Liam moved to walk closer and Daniel shook his head, stopping him in his tracks.

He didn’t think he could talk to him just now. 

Liam inhaled, exhaled, and nodded. His lips twitched up in a supportive sort of smile. 

_Thank you_ , Daniel mouthed. For what, he wasn’t quite sure.


	3. Chapter 3

Three Months Later

Jira walked into the school, prepared to punch the first person that asked how she was holding up. Thankfully, the first person she ran into was Riley. They’d seen each other a few times over the summer, of course, and Riley had been at the memorial, so it wasn’t as awkward as it could have been. Plus, Riley knew her well and knew not to say anything. They just launched into stories about their own summer. It felt great to not be the focus of attention.

The second person she encountered, after leaving Riley at their locker, was Mr. Bhatt. He was carrying two cups of coffee, and she knew from previous experience that one of them was for her dad. 

“Miss Jira, ready for another year?”

“Hey, Mr. Bhatt. Absolutely, can’t wait.”

“You mean for third period lit, your favorite class?”

Jira furrowed her brow sarcastically. “Did they rename bio?”

Mr. Bhatt winked before stepping around her. “Go to class,” he ordered. 

“That better be decaf for him,” she replied. “He needs to take better care of himself.”

Mr. Bhatt turned to face her, holding both cups out to the side. “I wouldn’t give my worst enemy decaf on the first day of school.”

“I thought I could trust you.” 

“I only put one sugar in there?”

Jira sighed loudly. “I suppose it’s a start.”

**

Liam paused just outside of Daniel’s classroom. He closed his eyes and took a calming breath. He hadn’t seen him in a few months, not since the memorial service. He tried to text him a few times, but chickened out before sending any message. The coffee that morning was as much an ice breaker as it was an olive branch or pick-me-up. He just hoped it would be accepted as such.

Finally, Liam braced himself and walked into the room. Daniel was sitting behind his desk, head down. He looked sad and tired, and the bastard part of Liam that would never shut up when he wanted it to started listing all the ways that he could provide stress relief and comfort. He forcefully shut those thoughts down and went with the friendly joke he was allowed to actually give.

“Sit up,” he said, smiling as Daniel straightened with a jolt. “They sense weakness, you are screwed.”

He handed Daniel the coffee mug, receiving a grateful smile in return. Daniel gestured at the seat opposite him. After a quick glance at his watch, Liam took it. He tried not to make it too obvious, how he stared at Daniel as he took a sip.

“Mmm,” Daniel said, even as he made a face. “Something’s different.”

“Only one sugar. The coffee station needs to be restocked already. But Jira thinks you should start drinking decaf, anyway.”

“Would you believe she actually signed me up for a Zumba class? Can you _imagine_?”

Liam hid his smile behind his mug while he took a sip. He could, actually. 

“So you’ve seen her?”

“Mm-hmm,” Liam replied. “She’s got her game face on. You both do.”

“Fooling anyone?”

Liam shrugged. After a moment, he took a risk and said what he’d been mentally rehearsing the whole night before. “I was your friend before everything, and I still am. You can come to me whenever you need to. I’m here for you – and for Jira.” 

He exhaled, happy to have gotten through it, but regretting it too. Daniel was clearly having trouble holding onto his composure, and maybe it wasn’t the best timing, what with classes starting in a few minutes. Daniel couldn’t meet his eyes, but he did nod. 

“Thanks,” he said gruffly.

“I mean it.”

“I know.” 

There was a long pause, and Liam subtly glanced up at the clock on the wall. A few more minutes, and then he really had to head out. 

“How are you? How was your summer?” Daniel asked, rather unexpectedly. Based on his expression, Daniel needed to change the subject, so Liam let him. 

“Fine. Visited some family. Read some books. Painted my living room.” He paused, wondering if he should say anything about Bradley, or if it would make things weirder. It wasn’t like it was even a serious relationship. It was mostly a distraction, a way to stop thinking about Daniel all the time and to pretend he was moving on with his life. In fact, he sort of wondered if he’d started the relationship just so Daniel wouldn’t think he was still pining after him. “I…started seeing someone,” he finally said. 

Daniel looked up sharply. Liam tried not to read too much into it but couldn’t help himself – was he surprised? Even jealous? 

“Oh. Well. That’s…good,” was Daniel’s only response.

They held eye contact for a moment, but Liam was far too off-balance to try to gauge his reaction any further. The warning bell broke them both out of the moment. Liam had to head out if he wanted to make his first period class on time. With one last smile and wave, he stood and walked away. He felt Daniel’s eyes on him the whole time, but resisted the urge to look back.

**

Daniel walked through the front door, dropping his own bag next to Jira’s backpack. The first faculty meeting of the semester had been that evening, and he was exhausted after the extra-long day. He hoped Jira had already ordered dinner, because he was also starving. She always got to choose on nights he worked late. He walked toward the kitchen to find her and hopefully some food waiting.

He did, but not quite what he expected. Daniel blinked. The sight of Jira cooking was not _unheard_ of, but she usually was more than happy to let him take the lead on that front. He had tried to teach her some skills so she could survive on her own someday, but the eighth or ninth time she dissected the meat rather than prepare it properly, he’d decided to give up those life lessons. 

Judging by the mess in the kitchen and the distinct smell of sauce burning, he should have been a bit more insistent. 

“Punchkin?” he asked, startling her. She turned to face him, then sighed in defeat. “Whatcha doing?”

“I thought I’d make you dinner for a change,” she said, even as she leaned over to look into the pot. She poked at the contents with a spoon and made a less than promising face.

“Uh-huh,” Daniel replied. 

“A for effort?”

“Depends. What are you after?”

“Why do I have to be after anything?” Jira asked, laughing a little too loudly to be sincere.

He walked closer, shooing her away from the stove. “I’m going to try to salvage this, and you’re going to start talking.” 

“OK. OK.” She was silent for a moment and then scurried over to the table to pick up a folder. “I’ve been thinking. I don’t want you to take this the wrong way, but I would like to try to meet my birth mother.”

Daniel was glad he was facing away from her. The statement, and the clutch of pain it caused, was a bit of a surprise. He always suspected there’d be a day when she wanted to know more. He and Harrison had even talked about how they’d respond. He wanted to forget those conversations and what they’d agreed now, just put his foot down and refuse. 

“I’m the parent you got,” he reminded her, striving for a steady tone to his voice.

“I know,” Jira said. “It’s not about that. I love you, Dad. I would never want to – but I need something that you can’t give me. I need to talk with someone who knows what it’s like to…look like me and Dad.” 

Daniel closed his eyes, sighing. He gripped the edge of the counter, trying to decide the right thing to do. She wasn’t wrong. The race aspect of this whole thing was something he couldn’t quite…but it was also his job to protect her. Would now be the right time to reach out? And what if she refused to meet – how would Jira handle that? The birth mom was such a mystery to him and he wished now that he hadn’t been quite so adamant about wanting to know nothing about her or her situation. There was a part of him that always tried to pretend she didn’t exist. As grateful as he was to her, he still sometimes wanted to believe that Jira improbably came from him and Harrison and no one else. 

“We have friends you could talk to. You could talk to – ” 

“It’s not just that. I…need more family,” Jira admitted. “Two just seems so much smaller than three, you know what I mean?” He did. Oh God, he did. “But…you have to sign the paperwork.”

Daniel finally faced her, walking closer and sitting down at the table. “Let me see it.”

He started flipping through it, reviewing the legalese. “If – If I agree to this,” he said, ignoring Jira’s look of hope, “then I’m going with you. Maybe later you two can get together on your own, but not the first time.”

“Fine,” Jira agreed, maybe a little too quickly. “That’s OK.”

“And I need you to be honest with me through the whole thing. Talk to me about how you’re feeling about it and if anything – this is something we deal with _together_.”

Jira reached her hand out, covering Daniel’s. He turned it around to link their fingers together and smiled when Jira squeezed. “I want you to be a part of it; I want her to be a part of _us_. I don’t know if I can do this without you, anyway.”

“She might not agree to meet. You should be ready for that.”

Jira breathed in and out. “I am.”

“OK. OK, I’ll sign this, and we’ll just take it one step at a time.”

Jira nearly fell out of her chair, she sprung at him so fast. Daniel smiled softly as he returned her hug. He didn’t know if it was the right choice, and he didn’t want to examine his own feelings about the matter too closely, or he’d descend into a spiral of doubt and feelings of inadequacy and fear that he somehow wasn’t enough for Jira anymore, just like he hadn’t been enough for Harrison and – Daniel shook his head, clearing it of the entirely unhelpful and unproductive thoughts. He separated from their hug, pushing Jira back gently. 

“But for now, we’re going to order dinner.”

“Oh, thank God. I really didn’t want to try to choke that down.”

Daniel laughed. “We’re going to start cooking lessons again too. You’re a disgrace.”

Jira stuck out her tongue, as she stood and walked towards the drawer full of take-out menus.

**

Standing with his arms crossed, Liam watched fondly as his students packed up and headed out of the room. Considering it was the end of the school day on Friday, he was surprised at how calm and well-behaved most of them were. The last few stragglers – Jira, Matthew, and Riley, unsurprisingly – were gathering their things still. Liam checked his watch, hoping they’d hurry up. He wanted to get out quickly himself. He and Bradley had plans for an early dinner and a night in.

There was a commotion and a bit of a traffic jam at the door. Liam glanced over to see Daniel angling past the exiting students. He couldn’t stop his smile, but Daniel didn’t even notice. He wasn’t there to see Liam, apparently (and unfortunately), as he headed directly for Jira.

“I need to talk to you,” he said, grabbing a hold of her arm.

“We were just – you said I could go – ”

“Sorry, it’s urgent.”

There was a moment of silence, and Jira looked at her friends. Liam watched curiously, wondering if he should pretend he wasn’t listening. “Is it…her?” she asked. “They can stay, if it is. I’ve told them.”

Daniel inhaled, looking around at the others, his eyes falling on Liam last before he focused on Jira again. “It is. The agency got a hold of her. She agreed to meet.” 

Jira made a noise of utter and complete joy, launching herself into Daniel’s arms. Liam couldn’t help but smile, even though he didn’t understand completely what was happening. 

“When?” Jira asked, pulling away. 

“This afternoon. We have to leave now.”

“I’ll – I’ll go grab my stuff! Meet you in your room.”

Daniel nodded. Jira bolted away then, grabbing onto her friends’ hands and running out of the room. Liam turned his attention to Daniel. He was watching her leave, his hands on his hips and a rather wistful expression on his face. 

“What’s that all about?” Liam asked.

Daniel looked at him. With a small shrug, he walked closer, reaching down to run his fingers along a desk. 

“Jira wants to meet her birth mother.”

Liam’s head bobbed in surprise. He hadn’t been expecting that, and frankly, he was surprised that Daniel seemed pretty cool about it. _Seemed_ being the operative word, though, Liam suspected.

“And you’re OK with that?”

Daniel sighed, reaching up to rub at the back of his neck. The façade dropped, and Liam could see how definitely not OK he was. 

“I have to be. What would be the alternative? Deny Jira the chance to know where she came from? To learn more about her heritage and the life she will lead as a Black woman? Force her to sneak around? Make her resent me?”

Liam offered him a supportive smile. “Knowing her mother won’t change how she feels about you. You’re still her dad.”

“I know,” Daniel agreed, nodding. He suddenly looked at Liam with an incredible amount of pain, blinking away tears. “I’m not the one she wishes she still had, though.”

“Daniel, don’t – ” He stepped closer, wanting desperately to hug him. He stopped when Daniel held a hand up and shook his head.

“Just feeling sorry for myself,” Daniel downplayed his response, trying to sound like he was joking. 

Liam sighed, biting his lip. 

“I should go before she goes crazy. We don’t want to be late.”

Liam was silent, turning to the side to make room as Daniel walked past him. 

“Good luck,” Liam said. After a moment, he added, perhaps somewhat recklessly or optimistically or both, “You can call or text later, if you want. Let me know how it goes.”

**

Next to him, Jira fidgeted in her seat. Her leg bounced rapidly, until Daniel reached over and placed his hand on her knee to stop it. He looked around the room, barely registering the generic décor and children’s toys in the corner. He recognized the logo of the agency from the paperwork, though, and he was suddenly lost in a memory.

_Jira could toddle along pretty well by then, but he would still carry her around forever, if he could. Her pudgy arm hooked around his neck, but the rest of her hung like dead weight in his arms. Her head rested where it always did, where it did from the very first day they brought her home. Sometimes he wondered if she had worn a little groove in that spot._

_It had been a long day. He’d be going back to work on Monday, after taking even longer than he’d originally planned to stay at home with her. He wanted to make the most of every possible moment they had together, so they had gone to the park and the lake to feed the ducks and rode on the train so she could look out the window at the city zipping past with her wide, wide eyes. She met the people at the daycare and saw the other kids playing, so Daniel hoped she wouldn’t be too upset Monday morning. Hell, she’d probably love it; he’d be the one breaking down._

_But that evening would be the most exciting moment of the day, although she of course wouldn’t understand why. That night, Daniel would sign adoption papers and become her father legally. It had been a slow process, but it was worth it._

_Elizabeth came by with the documents. Daniel wasn’t at all ashamed to say he cried. After the papers were signed and they were alone again, he and Harrison celebrated with a bottle of wine. They sat on the couch, Daniel leaning back in Harrison’s arms while they both watched Jira play on the floor._

_“How are you doing?” Harrison murmured in his ear._

_“This is the best day of my life,” Daniel replied._

_He could sense Harrison smile, even as he bent his head to drop a kiss on Daniel’s shoulder._

_“I remember the feeling. I wish you could have been there that day, and we could have done it together then.”_

_“Me too,” Daniel agreed. “But at least this way I don’t have to know anything about – her.”_

_“She was…lovely.”_

_Daniel shook his head in protest, making a stubborn sound deep in his throat. “I told you – if Jira wants to find out about her later, I’ll deal with it then.”_

_Harrison snorted. They’d had this discussion once or twice before, and he knew Harrison thought he was being ridiculous._

_He said as much again. Daniel twisted to look at him, shooting him a quick wink. “She’s_ our _daughter.”_

 _Harrison grinned, leaning forward to kiss him fully._

The door opening and closing broke Daniel out of his memory. Next to him, Jira sat up in excitement. A woman walked in and Daniel blinked in surprise. The resemblance was quite strong. 

“Hi,” she breathed out when she spotted the two of them.

Daniel and Jira shared a look, then both stood to greet her. 

“Sorry, I’m late,” she continued, shaking Daniel’s hand although her eyes were focused entirely on Jira. “I, ah, I changed my mind three times on the way here.”


	4. Chapter 4

When his phone buzzed, it took all of Liam’s willpower not to dive for it. There was no reason to believe the message was actually from Daniel. But his heart still started beating faster. He tried to be subtle as he reached for the phone and picked it up, turning it right side up. When he saw _Daniel_ in the notification box, he swallowed against the sudden thrill. He lifted his other hand from its resting spot on Bradley’s waist, and swiped to open the message.

It was a photo of Jira and a woman. They were sitting at a table at some froyo shop, leaning across and talking to each other. The caption simply was a heart emoji. 

_It’s going well?_ he typed in response.

 _I think so._ The reply came quickly, and just as quickly, Liam switched the volume off. He didn’t want the buzzing to bother Bradley. _Her name is Tia._

_How’s Jira doing?_

“Who are you texting?” 

Liam startled at the unexpected interruption. He moved his phone aside to glance down at Bradley, whose head was still on his lap but looking up rather than at the movie on the TV.

“A colleague,” Liam replied. 

“It’s Friday evening,” Bradley pointed out. “I don’t think there are any pressing high school concerns that you have to worry about.”

“Just give me a moment. Watch the movie.”

Bradley faced forward again, huffing just quietly enough that Liam could ignore it. He focused on his phone again. 

_I think OK. Jira and I will have to talk more later, just the two of us. There have been some unexpected complications. She’s running for alderman in the 6th. And she has a son._

Liam grimaced. He could only imagine how either of those things could cause issues.

 _Take it slow_ , he suggested. _I’m sure everything will turn out OK._

“Liam, you’re missing the movie,” Bradley said testily. 

Liam suppressed a sigh. _I have to go_ , he typed. _But we can talk more later?_

 _Definitely._

Liam smiled, staring at the screen for a few more moments. Before Bradley could scold him again, he pressed the button to put it in sleep mode and returned it face-down to the arm of the couch. He moved his hand back to where it had been resting earlier, and Bradley reached his own hand up to link their fingers together. 

Liam had to resist the urge to break the grip and move his hand away again.

**

Daniel hurried out of the building, in desperate need of fresh air. He stopped after several steps, trying to calm down. Any progress in control that he made, however, was lost when he turned and saw Liam. He watched – confusion, gratitude, and about a hundred other emotions warring within him – as Liam walked over. Almost against his will, Daniel admitted what had happened. He fell into Liam’s arms, the comforting embrace almost unbearably welcome after so long without being held by someone. He couldn’t stop the sobs as they erupted from him.

**

Liam dropped his keys onto the table next to his couch. He sat down, sighing and twisting his head to the side to work out a kink in the muscle. It had been a surprisingly long day, between school and then gong to support Daniel after the deposition. Daniel had broken down in front of the building, sobbing in Liam’s arms (it was torturous to feel him against his body again, and Liam never wanted to let go) as he struggled to explain what had happened. Liam wished he could take the guilt, the grief, the anger and just…spare Daniel a _moment_ of all that. But he couldn’t, so he did what he was capable of, what Daniel would accept. A hug. Calming words. An escort home.

And now he was back at his own place, at least physically. His heart and his mind were still with Daniel. 

Sighing, Liam pulled his phone out of his pocket, wondering if he should text him or call or just…leave him alone. 

He was surprised to see the numerous notifications on his phone – several missed calls and about 20 texts. That’s when he remembered he was supposed to have dinner with Bradley that night. Liam exhaled, rubbing his hand across his eyes, and dialed. 

The conversation was rough, if one could even call it a conversation. Liam didn’t get many words in edgewise, but he did get yelled at a lot. The thing was, it wasn’t going anywhere with Bradley. He didn’t even really like him all that much, or at least he’d never given him a real chance. And it wasn’t fair to string him along just because Liam didn’t want to face the truth or because he wanted someone to point to if Daniel ever suspected he wasn’t over him. But Liam was too bone-tired to go through a break-up that night, and especially not over the phone. So he apologized a few dozen times, once Bradley allowed him to speak, and he made up a story about a student so he didn’t make it worse with a mention of another man, and he invited Bradley for breakfast the next morning, clarifying fast so he didn’t interpret it as a booty call and show up that night. 

Later, Liam laid awake, staring through the darkness at the ceiling. There was something somewhat sick about how much he enjoyed having Daniel in his arms earlier, how much he relished being the one he sought comfort from, considering how upset Daniel had been. He had managed to control his crush for so many years, and now it was interfering with every aspect of his life and turning him into someone he didn’t want to be.

Liam sighed and rolled to his side, hugging his stomach and hoping sleep would come soon. On the other hand, he wasn’t exactly looking forward to the morning either.

**

“Good morning,” Daniel greeted, holding up both cups of coffee in a modified wave.

Liam looked up, smiling softly, Between the long, late night, and the difficult, fight-filled morning, he definitely needed the caffeine. He reached out and took the offered mug, watching curiously as Daniel looked at his feet. He was scraping one fingernail against the side of his own cup in a rather nervous way. 

“Thank you,” he finally said, awkwardly, “for yesterday, for being there.”

“Of course,” Liam murmured. “What are friends for?”

“You’re a – a good friend,” Daniel replied, noticeably breathless.

Liam’s heart beat faster when Daniel looked up and made eye contact. The hint of a twinkle in Daniel’s eyes, the way he pursed his lips, the softness in his voice. He knew all those signs, had seen them the night they had drinks and Harrison died. Had seen them many times before that, if he was being honest. And as much as he wanted to resist, he also wanted to let them ensnare him again, if only for a moment. But he was just too _tired_ of it all. It was _hard_ , being the support system. And he hated seeing those signs all the time and having to ignore them, having to wonder if he was imagining them or if Daniel even realized he was sending them, having to always put Daniel’s feelings first, no matter how much it fucked up his life and caused it to _stagnate_. 

“Is that what we are?” he asked. 

Daniel narrowed his eyes and tilted his head in perhaps feigned confusion. In response, Liam sighed and stood up. He supposed it was time to finally have this out, to force Daniel to confront it. 

“We used to be honest – mostly – with each other,” Liam reminded him. “That seems like the least friends could do.”

“I am honest with you.”

“No, you aren’t.”

“Liam, what – ”

“I broke up with Bradley.”

“I’m…sorry to hear that.”

“Don’t you want to know why?”

Judging by his deer-in-the-headlights expression, Daniel did not want to know why, did not want to be having this conversation. And maybe, if he was a better person or if he stopped to think or something, Liam would give in and go back to being what Daniel needed. Again.

“Because I can’t get over you,” he said instead. And once it was out, he didn’t know which of them wished more that it had remained unsaid. 

Daniel turned away, shaking his head at the floor. “I can’t talk about this, Liam,” he said, his voice tight with emotion. “Not yet. I’m sorry.”

“We’ve never talked about it,” he pointed out, resigned, almost apologetic. “We need to talk about it.”

“What do you want me to say? The night my husband died, I wanted to sleep with you. I can’t get past that. I can’t – I can’t stop feeling like if I had made different choices – if I left earlier, if I had told him not to worry about the wine, hell even if I _had_ gone to bed with you – he’d still be here.”

Liam sighed, looking up at the ceiling. Angry at himself, at Daniel, at the world. 

“I know you’re trying to work things through, and I don’t want to make things worse,” he said, unable to stop himself despite that fact, “but you’re still not being honest. You’ll never deal with it if you can’t admit the truth about that night. Just – be honest with _yourself_ if no one else.” 

Daniel faced him. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You didn’t want to sleep with me.” Liam blurted, gesturing wildly with one hand. “That’s not why you asked me out.”

“I think the raging erection I had would beg to differ,” Daniel disagreed in a low tone. 

Liam blinked, suddenly back in the moment. “Well…yes, thanks for that reminder. I had noticed – which only added to my disappointment.” They both paused, staring at each other and breathing heavily. Liam wondered if Daniel was as low-key turned on as he was, or if it was still only him who had some sort of twisted Pavlovian lustful reaction to grief and self-recrimination at this point. He breathed out slowly, calming himself before continuing, “But again, you didn’t want to sleep with me. You just wanted to screw him over.”

It was a harsher statement than he’d intended, and Daniel’s wide eyes turned into a glare. He turned and left the room, leaving Liam alone to lean against his desk, put his face in his hands, and curse.

**

It had been almost a full week of silence and avoidance. Daniel felt lonelier than he had since the school year began. He passed Liam occasionally, or ended up in the staff room at the same time as him, or caught his eyes across the cafeteria. They’d barely acknowledge each other’s presence at any of those moments, so Daniel did not know if Liam was as miserable as he was. He wanted to apologize for his part in their argument, but honestly, he didn’t feel like he had done anything wrong. At least not the other afternoon. Nothing that deserved what Liam had said to him, certainly.

It had been almost a full week and Daniel wanted to scream at the top of his lungs. But before he could, Liam walked into his classroom, making Daniel speechless. He stared as Liam came closer, wondering if he should say something or wait until Liam spoke. He supposed it was promising enough that Liam had sought him out. 

He stopped several feet from Daniel’s desk. They held eye contact for a while. Daniel pretty much forgot to breathe. 

“I – ” Liam finally said, hesitant and rough, his voice almost impossible to listen to. “I’m sorry.”

Daniel sighed, most of the anger and regret and confusion seeping from his body. He just wanted this over, out in the open, so it couldn’t endanger their friendship again. He needed Liam in his life too much to let this kind of division last too long. 

“No, I think you were right,” he admitted. “And I never really apologized. I’m sorry for – using you, hurting you.” 

Liam looked down, shaking his head slightly as he exhaled. “There’s a lot of blame to go around for…what happened between us – him, you, me, we all deserve some of it. _So_ , maybe we all deserve some of the forgiveness too.”

Liam took another step towards him and Daniel barely resisted the urge to move closer, maybe even close enough to erase the gap between them. When Liam spoke again, though, it stopped him in his tracks. He spoke urgently, determinedly. “Just remember you chose to stop it. You didn’t betray him. You were going back to him. But nothing you did or did not do that night is what killed him. The only person to blame for _that_ is that prick cop.”

Daniel breathed out a pained laugh, nodding in agreement. After a moment of silence, of prolonged eye contact, he couldn’t help himself. He needed to say something more.

“In the spirit of honesty, I’m not sorry to hear about you and Bradley. Not at all.”

Liam smiled, ducking his head in an attempt to hide it. Daniel knew that expression well and, as long as he was being honest, could admit to having tried many times over the years to elicit it. 

“For what’s it worth, I’m not either,” Liam confessed. “But…let’s leave it at that for a while.”

Daniel nodded. “Agreed.”

 _For a while_ , he thought.

**

Jira posted the video online because she wanted it out there, undeniably. Because she wanted something the state’s attorney couldn’t ignore. She didn’t think that would mean that _everyone_ she knew would see it too, that they’d all stare at her in the halls again as a result. That it would mean that she’d have to see the video on the news every evening. That she would hear her dad sobbing at night when he thought she was asleep, sobbing as hard as he had when he watched it the first time and collapsed in her lap.

**

_Daniel turned the piece of paper over, adding to the shopping list he was creating. He muttered to himself, around the earpiece of his glasses that dangled dangerously from his mouth, about how quickly they went through milk. He was so focused he barely even noticed the sound of someone entering the kitchen until Harrison’s arms were around him. Daniel jumped at the contact, laughing quickly at himself and reaching up to rescue his glasses before speaking._

 _“I didn’t hear you,” he observed, not bothering to turn around but tilting his head as Harrison kissed his cheek. “And I wasn’t expecting you. I thought you were on until 9.”_

_“No, I – ”_

_“Jira’s got science club tonight, so I wasn’t really planning on anything big for dinner. But if you’re hungry, I can throw something together.”_

_“No, Daniel, I – ”_

_It was only then that he started to realize something was wrong. The tone of Harrison’s voice was off, hesitant and strained. Daniel turned to face him, forgetting his list for a moment. Harrison looked vaguely like he was getting ill, and he wondered if he came home early because he was sick. Daniel reached out to squeeze his arm, then lifted his hand so he could check his forehead for a fever._

_“Are you all right? You don’t seem well. Go lie down; I’ll bring you – ”_

_“Daniel, please listen to me!”_

_He stopped talking abruptly, shocked by Harrison’s command. The questions died in his throat, even as he wanted so badly to start rambling out of nerves._

_“I have to tell you something,” Harrison continued, quieter, his eyes cast toward the ground._

_No good conversation ever started with those words, as far as Daniel was concerned._

_“I did…tell you that I wasn’t going to be home until 9. But it wasn’t because of work. I had other plans. I cancelled them.”_

_Daniel laughed, although he wasn’t quite sure what was funny. “Other plans for what?”_

_“His name is – was Finn,” Harrison said._

_Daniel exhaled sharply, as if all the air in the room, including the supply in his lungs, was sucked out. He shifted his weight from one foot to the other, reaching an arm behind himself to fumble for the counter. He gripped the edge once he found it, holding on for dear life. Surely, he had jumped to conclusions. Harrison didn’t mean that –_

_“It’s over,” Harrison continued. “I ended it.”_

_Daniel gagged, swallowing the bile that rose up. He brought his free hand quickly to his mouth, worried for a second that he really would vomit. It was hard to breathe, but he forced himself to anyway, little puffs of air that didn’t accomplish much._

_“It was a mistake,” Harrison said, rushing through the words and moving closer to Daniel. “It meant_ nothing _. I can’t tell you how – ”_

_Daniel held one shaking hand out, forcing Harrison to stop, to stay away. “How long?” he choked out._

_“A – a month. I thought you should – ”_

_“A_ month _? Jesus Christ, Harrison, a month is not a mistake. A month is a choice.”_

_“Please let me – ”_

_“Get out.”_

_“Daniel, I can – we need to – ”_

_“I don’t care where you go; just get out.”_

_Harrison sighed, his shoulders dropping as he stared at the floor. After a moment, he nodded and backed away._

_“OK,” he agreed. “Whatever you want. But I am sorry. I love you.”_

_Daniel closed his eyes, shaking his head. “Get. Out,” he repeated._

_He couldn’t watch as Harrison walked out of the room. He had barely cleared the doorway before Daniel crumpled to the ground, wrapping his arms around his knees as he began to cry. Even over the sound of everything falling apart, he heard Harrison’s footsteps stop, then start again. A few minutes later, the front door closing seemed to echo in the empty house._

**

In his mind, he had pictured The Bar as something seedy. Not that Harrison had ever frequented places like that, just that he figured that’s where adulterers would go to day-drink when cheating on their husbands. It wasn’t, of course. It was clean and bright. The bartender was disgustingly young and cute. Daniel could barely remember what it felt like to be that young. He _did_ remember what it felt like to meet Harrison Brennan in a bar and fall head over heels for him, though, so he didn’t know how much he could actually blame the guy.

When he first found out, he had fantasies of finding the man at this bar, shouting at him, punching him. He had nightmares of Harrison fucking him against the counter after last call. 

Now, by the time he finally did walk inside and see him face-to-face, it all just seemed so small. 

They talked a bit, the conversation stilted and awkward. Daniel got some of the answers he was seeking, but not all of them, of course. Only one person could have given him those answers and he wasn’t around to do so anymore. 

So, he told the man what he wished he could tell Harrison.

“I forgive you.”

And some broken part of his soul healed. Maybe he could even forgive himself now.


	5. Chapter 5

Taping the interview in their living room was supposed to make things a little more comfortable, or so the news team had claimed. Jira was still having difficulty with the whole thing. She didn’t think she’d ever feel comfortable talking about her dad’s death, especially not with strangers, but at least she could recognize that it was _doing_ something. After the video was sent to them, she felt so much more _on fire_ , and with Tia’s guidance, she had started to see some of the ways she could maneuver things to produce the results _she_ wanted. Politicization wasn’t necessarily a bad thing, if it accomplished change. And for the portion of the interview about the video and the planned protest and the pointed messages to the state’s attorney, that all felt very true.

Until the interviewer switched topics and addressed her dad. 

“We have reports that Dr. Brennan was living in a hotel at the time of the shooting and that you two were separated.”

Jira turned to look at her dad as he stiffened beside her. She reached out to hold his hand, worried about what was going to happen next. The news team had not said anything about this line of questioning. It wasn’t like they had agreed to keep it a secret as some sort of conspiracy or something. It had just seemed so…irrelevant at the time. 

“Yes,” her dad finally said. “Temporarily.”

“Why haven’t you said anything about that before?”

Her dad shook his head. She could see him struggling to maintain his composure, to not cry or scream at the interviewer or storm out of the room. “I don’t see what difference it makes.”

“Well,” the interviewer continued, despite Jira’s death glare, “you have a vested interest in portraying him as a perfect, innocent man. If there were – ”

“No one’s perfect,” her dad interrupted, with the tone of voice that always let Jira knew he was pissed. “But nothing going on between us was an offense punishable by death.”

“I’m saying you want the people of Chicago to know and care about who you lost, but you’re also hiding very important details, maybe to protect him.”

“I’m not protecting him by not talking about it; I’m protecting Jira. And I didn’t lose him – he was taken from me before we had a chance to…fix things, and I don’t think you can have any idea what that feels like.”

Thankfully, the interviewer seemed to realize that line of questioning was not producing whatever soundbites had been hoped for, and the taping wrapped up. No one said much of anything while the equipment was packed away. But soon, finally, they were alone again, just the two of them.

Jira walked over to her dad, who was staring out the window, his arms wrapped around his waist. She hugged him from behind, pressing a kiss to his back when his hands moved to cover hers, then turning her head to rest against him.

“I’m sorry you were ambushed like that,” she said, forcing herself to not push him to talk about it anymore. For now.

**

After ten hours of sitting there without much to do except think about what he’d say to Liam, one would think Daniel actually would have figured that out. But when Liam finally appeared, looking exhausted, all Daniel could do was pull him into a hug. He hadn’t meant for him to get arrested, especially not for protecting him, and he hadn’t meant for him to get hurt. Liam was the last person in the world he wanted to hurt. He hadn’t meant for any of this. But he couldn’t figure out how to put that into words. All he could say was that he was sorry.

Liam stared at him, inhaling deeply. Eventually, he sighed. “I was there because I wanted to be,” Liam replied. “Today and…back then, too.”

Daniel smiled sadly, walking closer for a perhaps futile attempt at privacy. “We’ve gone about this all backwards, and with the worst possible timing too. Things are not at all easy between us.”

“Our…relationship…is very weird,” Liam agreed, nodding. “And I’m not sure we can ever untangle all the messy threads.”

“It doesn’t help that this whole thing with the city seems like it will never end. We’re really pushing for charges now because of the tape. I don’t know how long that will take.”

Liam looked to the side, pressing his lips together and nodding. Daniel realized he was hurting him again, that asking him to wait longer for Daniel to get his chaotic life and his feelings figured out, even if not in so many words, was just one more twist of the knife. In some ways, Daniel didn’t want to pursue the case. He just wanted it to be over, so he and Jira could move on and find some way to be happy. He even thought Harrison would understand and agree with him. But he knew he could never truly move on until he exhausted all opportunities for justice. 

“So,” Liam said, “you try to get a trial. Make them pay. And we just…keep a pin in things like we have been.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’ve gotten – ” Liam looked up toward the ceiling, licking his lips. The move made Daniel want to kiss him. “ – surprisingly good at compartmentalizing everything I feel for you.”

Daniel sighed, stepping even closer. He held eye contact with Liam, even as he reached out to graze two knuckles along Liam’s stomach quickly – very quickly, as the last thing they needed was for someone in the police station to see them like this. 

“Maybe you can teach me how to do that,” he said, the gravelly emotion in his voice hard to identify, even to himself. “Because thoughts of you have started to seep into every part of my life and every moment of my day.”

Liam exhaled sharply, his eyes darting up to make contact with Daniel’s gaze. He swayed closer, seemingly involuntarily, and then he firmly backed away.

“You’re not ready,” he said. It took all of Daniel’s better judgment not to contradict him or argue with him. Liam continued almost immediately, anyway. “Or maybe I’m the one who’s not ready. I have to be sure I’m not just…filling some need for you, that it’s really me you want. And I have to…get my own head right about all this, too, because I hate myself for wanting you so much when you weren’t mine, and wanting you so much now when you’re still not, not really. For feeling like…some sort of…I don’t know – it’s so complicated. I want everything and I can’t ask you for anything. Which is why I need to go home – alone – and so should you.”

**

Jira closed her eyes, smiling as each of her dad’s breaths lifted his chest and with it her head. So many times over the years, they had sat just like this. It had become his favorite Dad Joke, and she loved it, even as she pretended to find it tiresome. She knew she’d always have a place there, in his arms, for whatever reason she needed it. It was so comforting and it gave her so much strength to know that, to know he had always loved her and always wanted her and always would. Especially on a day like this one, after Isaiah had been such a disappointment. Maybe it was a good thing. Her dads had been the only fathers she’d ever needed or wanted. She knew she didn’t always reassure her dad of that enough, so she was glad she had gotten the chance to remind him of it just now.

He was a _really_ good dad. Sometimes she forgot just how much. 

“I’m sorry,” she whispered.

“For what?”

“For…being so mad at you about whatever had been going on with Dad. I should have – I know you wouldn’t have made him move out without a good reason.”

He grew tense and for a moment, Jira thought that he would push her away or shut her out. But eventually, he simply tightened his arm around her. 

“Don’t worry about that, punchkin. I know you were sad, and you were missing your dad. I’m just sorry that…you hadn’t been able to spend as much time with him as possible. I wish I had forgiven him earlier. There are so many things I would have done differently, if I had known – ”

He broke off, clearing his throat. 

“ _Why_ were you so mad at him?” Jira asked, wondering if he’d finally tell her. 

“That’s – it doesn’t matter now.”

“It does to me,” she countered, finding it difficult to maintain her composure. “I just want to know. You don’t have to protect me.”

“Yes, I do. I’m your father.”

She sobbed once, quickly, before catching herself. Hugging him tighter, she tried to explain. “I’m just tired of feeling in the dark and not understanding what had happened. I’m sorry that I blamed you, but please, please…help me understand. Did you fall out of love? Or was it something I – ”

“No,” her dad said, emphatic and emotional. Jira finally put one hand on his chest and used it to push herself up and away. She watched as he rubbed at his eyes, and then they focused on each other. “No, honey, that wasn’t it. Dad had…made a mistake, that’s all. He regretted it and apologized but I was too hurt to – I couldn’t – ”

Jira felt strangely paralyzed as she figured out what he couldn’t quite say. “Another guy?” she asked tonelessly. 

After a moment, he closed his eyes, sighed, and nodded. “Yeah. It didn’t mean anything,” he added quickly. “It was over before he even told me.”

“Then… _why_?”

“I don’t know.” Her dad looked at her again, shaking his head and shrugging. He reached out for her hands. “I don’t know. I wish I did. I wish I had let him explain it to me. I don’t think he even knew why.”

Jira looked down, staring at their hands clasped in her lap. She felt like her heart was breaking all over again. She had defended him to Isaiah, told him that he was a great man, a wonderful husband and the best father. Her face crumpled as she fought tears. “I guess that’s two fathers who weren’t what I thought or hoped.”

“Oh, honey, no,” her dad said, sitting up to pull her back into a hug. “This doesn’t have to change how you feel about him. Yes, he hurt me, and he hurt our family, but just because people do hurtful things, it doesn’t mean they’re bad people. He loved us both; that’s what matters.”

“If he loved us, then why would he – ”

“He _loved_ us,” her dad repeated as firmly as he could. “He loved you more than you could possibly know. And he loved me so much. I do know that. We were together for twenty years. They weren’t always problem-free, but they were always, _always_ full of love.”

**

After he and Jira talked a lot more and cried some more too, she went up to her room. Daniel took the opportunity to sit in the office and think things over. He had meant all of what he told Jira. He knew Harrison had loved him, he believed that Harrison was sorry, and he was sure they would have worked things out. Because if there was one thing he knew, it was that Harrison wanted him to be happy, and even if things weren’t perfect between them, Daniel _was_ happy with him.

He looked around the room, smiling as he remembered a time, so many years ago, when Harrison had brought him in there, after they’d been dating about ten, eleven months. 

_“Why are we going in here?” Daniel asked, laughing. They had been heading to the bedroom, ready to call it a night after a long day for both of them. The school year had just started, so Daniel was exhausted, and Harrison had just come off the night shift, so he was even more tired. Daniel was pretty sure they wouldn’t do much that night besides collapse into bed, but that was OK; he hadn’t seen Harrison for any real length of time in close to a week, and he just wanted to be with him._

_Harrison didn’t answer his question, though. He just tugged Daniel closer to the desk. Daniel snickered, closing the distance between them and wrapping his arms around Harrison. He pressed his body close and kissed Harrison lightly on the neck._

_“Did you have something kinky in mind?” he teased. “Please tells me it involves that desk, which I always thought looked quite sturdy and just big enough. Because if so, maybe I’m not that tired after all.”_

_“Sadly, no,” Harrison dashed his hopes, chuckling._

_“Damn.”_

_“But maybe another time.”_

_“No time like the present.”_

_But Harrison hadn’t risen to the bait, and instead he withdrew from Daniel’s arms. He stepped around the desk and to the fireproof safe behind it. He crouched down, opened the door, and pulled out a folder of papers. He handed it to Daniel._

_“What’s this?” he asked, curiously. He glanced at the documents, flipping through them, and finally they started to register. “Are you serious?” he asked, looking up at Harrison with a great deal of joy._

_The smile on his face confirmed it was real. He wanted Daniel to move in. Not just move in, but_ move in _. The paperwork was for the deed and the insurance policy and so many things, all rewritten to include Daniel. There were little tabs where he was supposed to sign._

_“It – it hasn’t been that long,” he pointed out._

_“Long enough to know,” Harrison countered. “And I know.”_

_Daniel smiled, holding the folder to his chest as he looked up. “I know too,” he agreed._

_Harrison grinned, even as he leaned down to pick up a pen. He handed it to Daniel, who moved to sign almost immediately. Just as he put the nib on the top paper, though, he paused._

_“My apartment, though,” he remembered._

_“Break your lease!” Harrison commanded, laughing. “I’ll cover the fee.”_

_Daniel looked up at him. Harrison stared back, his expression challenging, almost daring Daniel. When he still hesitated, Harrison switched to a mock pout that made Daniel laugh. He looked down again, signing quickly and with a small flourish before moving to the next document._

_When it was all said and done, Harrison put the documents back for safekeeping, walked close enough to Daniel to pull him into a kiss, then led him out of the room again._

_“That one,” he said, pointing at the nearby guest room as they passed it._

_Perhaps Daniel was a little too giddy to follow along. He looked over his shoulder as if another glance of the room would explain what Harrison meant._

_“What about it?”_

_“That one can be the nursery.”_

_Daniel stopped dead. It took a moment for Harrison to realize it, and when he did, he turned to face Daniel again. Closing the distance between them, he laughed at Daniel’s shocked expression, then pulled him into a kiss. They had talked about it, of course, in vague, “someday” terms. If Daniel were being honest, he knew he was keener on the idea than Harrison was, although he also knew it wouldn’t come down to being a dealbreaker. Harrison wanted kids too; he just was perhaps more realistic about the ways their careers, not to mention sexual orientiations, could be issues. That was fine. Harrison could be the realist on the matter; Daniel would be the dreamer._

_“It could be a few years,” Harrison reminded him._

_“I know.” But he couldn’t stop the wide smile growing across his face, anyway. He hugged Harrison, burying his face in the crook of his neck. “I’m so happy,” he murmured._

_“God, I love your smile,” Harrison replied. “Want to put it on your face every day for the rest of our lives.”_

_Daniel barked a laugh. “You proposing now too?” he half-joked._

_“What would you say?”_

_Daniel broke the hug, backing away to stare at Harrison. He couldn’t quite tell if he was teasing. So, his own response was humorous as well, in tone if not in fact._

_“Guess you’ll have to ask and find out.”_

_Harrison smiled. He didn’t ask though, at least not that night. But he did lead Daniel to their_ – their – _bedroom, and no, they didn’t just collapse in exhaustion after all. The next night, they experimented with the desk and found out it was as sturdy as Daniel suspected. And over the next several days, Daniel moved his things in._

_It wasn’t until many years later that Harrison finally asked. Daniel’s answer, of course, hadn’t been a surprise._

As he remembered, Daniel realized he was smiling so widely it hurt, and there were happy tears in his eyes. Perhaps this was what he was most grateful about these days – that he could remember the good times, that his tears could be happy. For so long, it all had been mixed up with so much pain, so much regret, so much anger. He had almost forgotten what smiling felt like. 

He sighed. That wasn’t entirely true, of course. There _was_ someone who made him smile, who had been there when he needed a friend. He wanted to smile again, so much more often, and he wanted to feel the joy of making someone else smile too, and he was pretty sure he knew who could help him with both of those things. Maybe Harrison wouldn’t have been entirely on board with his choice, considering everything, although he probably wouldn’t have been particularly surprised either. At the end of the day, though, he would have wanted Daniel to be happy. 

It was time. God, it was well past time that he took back just a little bit of his life.

With a deep breath, Daniel pulled Harrison’s ring off his finger. He placed it on top of the desk, then looked at his hand again. It took him a moment longer to take his own ring off, even though he only moved it to the other hand. He pushed back from the desk, grabbing Harrison’s ring as the chair rolled. Spinning, he leaned down towards the safe. He turned the dial quickly, opening it and placing the ring on top of the other items in there. Jira’s adoption paperwork, their marriage certificate, some papers for the house and some bank records, among other things. Daniel’s heart ached as he realized that the last time this ring had been in there, it had been for safekeeping just before their ceremony. It would stay in there now until Jira decided what she wanted to do with it.

He closed the door, spinning the dial to lock it again. Then, he stood and walked out of the room, shutting the light off as he left. He stopped by Jira’s door, listening for a moment until he heard her quiet snore. Then he continued on to their…his room.


	6. Chapter 6

_He had considered cancelling the date. It had been an exceptionally long day full of exceptionally whiny students. The last thing he needed was a blind date. But Scoot had been adamant that this guy was perfect for him, and he hadn’t been out in such a long time. Not since – God, not since that car mechanic who “consoled” him after he finally junked the old clunker that had brought him to Chicago. Gay Mecca, he used to call it to himself. And in a way, it was. He was out, or at least as out as he could possibly be while still protecting his job, and he was loving life in a way he hadn’t thought possible. But he still didn’t date as much as he always assumed someone in a big city could._

_So…why not? Give it a chance._

_He picked up his glass and swirled the drink in his hand before taking a sip. Then he looked at his watch. The guy was only five minutes late. Not “stood up” territory quite yet, but…_

_“Are you Daniel Calder?”_

_He turned suddenly at the unexpected voice, nearly losing his balance on the bar stool. To conceal the less than graceful moment, he stood up and held his hand out to the (unfairly attractive) man who had just arrived._

_“Yes,” he replied. “Ah, Harrison?”_

_“Harrison Brennan,” he said, smiling as he gave Daniel a quick but not quick enough once-over and shook his hand. “Nice to meet you. Sorry I’m late; we had an emergency right before I left.”_

_“Emergency?” Daniel asked, even as he made eye contact with the bartender and held up his hand. “Buy you a drink?”_

_“Thanks. And I work at County General. I’m a resident.”_

_A doctor. His mom would have been thrilled, if his mom ever talked to him. And of course, if Harrison had been a woman._

_He turned to order, and Daniel took the opportunity to do his own assessment. He definitely had no complaints. Good job, Scoot. Harrison began to turn again, and Daniel forced his eyes up to a more appropriate level._

_“Sounds exciting,” he finally said._

_“It has its moments, but mostly it’s much calmer than you’d probably imagine.”_

_They sat down, and Harrison told him all about his job. And then Daniel told him all about his, ultimately agreeing with Harrison’s conclusion that high school sounded more stressful and crazier than an emergency room. They talked about their families, about how they knew Scoot, about their summers, about life in Chicago compared to back home, about their last dates. They talked until the bar closed, and then they went to Daniel’s apartment and talked some more. And then they made out on his couch._

_Daniel sent Harrison home shortly after – got to keep them wanting more, or so his friend Elizabeth said. But Harrison wouldn’t leave without securing Daniel’s promise for another date, and Daniel gave it readily. Maybe he was the one wanting more._

**

“I think…I need something like that, too.”

“You mean dating?”

Daniel hesitated. “Yeah,” he finally acknowledged, watching Jira carefully until she nodded.

“I saw you took off Dad’s ring and moved yours. I figured that was a sign.”

Daniel looked down at his hand, spreading his fingers out to look at them. There was still a pale circle and even a slight indentation where the rings had been. “I thought I’d be with Dad for the rest of my life,” he confessed. “Obviously, he was not the only person I’d ever been attracted to or had feelings for, but…I’d made my choice. Now I have to figure out what and who else is in the future for me.” He sighed, looking at Jira as he wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her closer to hug him. “I hope to be around for a long time still and – ”

“Dad, I know. I want that for you too. It’s OK. When it happens, it’ll be OK.”

“I guess this is what moving on feels like,” Daniel observed. 

They sat quietly for several minutes. When Jira stirred again, he assumed it was because she was planning on ending the moment and getting on with her day. So, her next question surprised him, for several reasons. 

“Did you have anyone specific in mind?...Mr. Bhatt, perhaps?”

Daniel hesitated, wondering how much he should tell her, how much she had figured out, and how much she actually wanted to hear. He settled for a “Can’t get anything past you, huh?” to stall for time.

“The man did get arrested for you,” she joked, although it was a bit strained. 

“It’s complicated.” Daniel sighed before continuing. “We’ve been…dancing around it for a while, struggling with defining our relationship and…what we feel for each other. It’s all tied into Dad dying and things that happened around that time and what’s real versus what’s just a response to, well, everything. I shouldn’t be telling you all this.”

“It’s OK,” Jira reassured him, tightening her arms around him. She sounded as if she were carefully searching for her next words. “Starting something new doesn’t change the way you felt about him, or the way he felt about you, or the way I feel about you. If there is even a chance of something real, then I think you should go for it.” 

“I don’t want to – you’re my priority. If you don’t – ”

“I can’t promise that I’ll be 100% cool with it all right away, but I’ll try.”

**

He spotted Liam at a corner table, his eyes closed and his chin propped in his hand, his other hand wrapped around a cup of coffee. Daniel smiled, then walked over to join him.

“Good morning,” he murmured. 

Liam inhaled deeply, eventually blinking his eyes open. “It’s 8 AM on a Saturday,” he pointed out unnecessarily. “You better have a damn good reason for dragging me out here.”

“I…” Just once, he’d like to be able to sound suave. He shook his head, quickly sitting in the chair opposite Liam and leaning closer. He placed his bare hand in the middle of the table. Ignoring Liam’s curious eyebrow raise, he forced himself to just _say_ it. “I don’t want to rush you into anything. I just wanted to tell you that I’m ready to try this for the right reasons. You’re not – you’re _not_ – just filling a need for me. Well, no, you are, I guess. But a need for _you_ , not for him. You’re not replacing him; no one ever will. That doesn’t mean there’s no room for us to – ” Daniel looked down, sighing in frustration. “I’m saying this all wrong.”

“It sounds pretty right to me,” Liam disagreed quietly. 

Daniel lifted his head, making eye contact and feeling encouraged by that response. Liam flashed him a quick smile, and it was just enough to give Daniel the bravery to reach out and take hold of Liam’s free hand resting on the table. Liam’s gaze dropped to stare at their entwined fingers. He gulped, and the display of nerves killed the last of Daniel’s. 

“I will forever regret not getting a second chance with him,” he admitted, “I don’t want to miss my second chance with you too.”

Liam exhaled shakily. “We don’t know it will work out,” he pointed out. “We could ruin our friendship.”

“We could,” Daniel acknowledged. 

“But…” Liam continued. “I guess giving it a try is bound to be healthier than suppressing it all.”

Daniel smiled in relief, nodding. They stared at each other for several long moments, before Daniel broke it with a sudden, uncontrollable yawn. Laughing, Liam unlaced their fingers and stood. 

“Stay there,” he ordered. “I’m going to get you some caffeine, and then we’re going to talk about what comes next.”

Daniel watched as he walked up to the counter and talked to the barista. He propped his elbow on the table and rested his head on his hand as he watched Liam. He smiled fondly, imagining a future of this – coffee and conversation, late nights and lazy mornings, making love and teasing each other, working together and guiding Jira into adulthood. Maybe he was getting ahead of himself, but he couldn’t help it. For a long while, he didn’t think he had any sort of future at all. It was nice to see one again, even if it was different from the one he had once anticipated. 

Liam turned to look at him, and Daniel grinned, blatantly checking him out. Liam blushed, ducking his head only briefly before looking at Daniel again. He smiled, licked his lips, and – jumped when the barista announced the drink was ready. As Liam headed back to the table, Daniel accepted it was probably too early in this whole thing to share _all_ of his hopes and plans. He’d start by asking Liam to Tia’s election party.

**

Jira watched as her dad danced with Mr. Bhatt. They hadn’t quite worked out a rhythm, one of them going one way and the other a completely different one. Her dad laughed, reaching out to tug at Mr. Bhatt’s shirt.

It’d be cute if it wasn’t so – well, Jira couldn’t really parse out all the things she felt. At least she could watch them without breaking into tears. 

Riley stood on one side of her, and Matthew the other. They hadn’t said much since Mr. Bhatt entered the party, beyond teasing him a bit before he pulled Jira’s dad away. Now, they watched Jira cautiously. 

“Are you OK with…whatever that is?” Riley finally asked.

Jira inhaled deeply, ultimately nodding. “Not…absolutely fine,” she admitted, “but…what would be the alternative? Force him to be miserable and alone? He deserves something nice.”

As the music shifted from something fast to something slow, Jira focused on her dad again. He and Mr. Bhatt seemed awkward and uncertain for a moment, and then stepped closer. They fumbled as they figured out just how to position their arms, and then…they began to sway. Jira smiled. He deserved something nice. 

Maybe she’d stay the night at Riley’s, so her Dad didn’t have to worry about her that evening and could just enjoy his date.

**

“I’m really glad you came,” Daniel repeated, as he followed Liam down the hall.

Liam was secretly happy that Jira had decided to stay at Riley’s house. Not that he expected anything to happen, of course, but he at least got the chance to spend a little more time one-on-one with Daniel. He’d have to figure out how his relationship would change with Jira as well, of course, but for now, while he and Daniel were still a bit new and uncertain, it was better to be just the two of them. 

“I am too,” Liam agreed, stopping just outside his door and turning to lean against it, stalling so he didn’t have to stay good night just yet. 

He played with his keys nervously, wondering if Daniel was going to say something or if he was waiting for him to. There was really only one thing he wanted to say, though, and it was probably far too early to risk such a suggestion. Which is why it came as something of a surprise when Daniel was the one to actually voice it. 

“I could…come in for a while.”

Liam grinned, even as he stammered a bit. He breathed out a laugh, feeling for all the world like this was his very first time. Which was ridiculous, of course. In a sense, it wasn’t even his first time with Daniel. But he didn’t want to rush things and ruin them. He also didn’t want to wait one second longer. 

“Are you sure?” he finally asked, flashing back suddenly to the last time they were here, and Liam was just about to get everything he’d wanted for years. 

“Yes,” Daniel said firmly. This time, he sounded like he actually meant it.

This time, Liam believed him.


End file.
